Empty nest syndrome is a real thing. If you are struggling because your children are leaving home, then this post will provide some ways to help you cope.
I remember the first day my husband and I dropped my oldest daughter off at college. Although it was a very proud moment for us both, I couldn’t help but have a sense of panic knowing I was dropping my baby off at college for the first time. How did time fly by so quickly? It also didn’t help that my daughter seemed to be a little distraught as well, which is why she promised she would be home every weekend.
Although I would miss her dearly during the week, I still had every weekend to look forward to. Fast forward, my daughter started settling in, finding friends, and slowly but surely the craving to come home lessened. But that’s ok, because I still had her sister at home, so all was not lost. UNTIL it was her time to transition into college living. I think this was the first time I realized that Empty Nest syndrome did exist.
My world as I knew it was ending, and I no longer had the same control or relationship I did previously with my daughters, and at that time I believe I went through a period of mourning. Which makes sense if you think about it, because we are losing something we previously had.
Now, both of my beautiful girls are in thriving careers, I survived the experience, and I’ve realized life can still be fabulous after your children fly the coup. The truth is if we’ve done our jobs well, we should expect them to leave us, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.
If you feel like you are suffering from empty nest syndrome, or about to enter it, then this is the post for you. Read on and I will share some tips on how to survive this season of your life.
It’s time to shift priorities
I remember when my youngest daughter was in 8th grade and my oldest was a senior in High School. My husband and I both were both struggling with the realization that we were about to enter a new season of our lives. I remember one morning we were sitting outside on our deck drinking coffee, and I said to my husband, “we have a choice to make, we can either have a mediocre marriage or we can have a kick-ass marriage. I know what I want, but if we’re going to be successful then we both need to be committed.”
In order to survive being an empty nester or empty nest syndrome, you need to shift priorities and focus on your marriage. Let’s face it, when our kids are young our worlds revolve around them. Their interests become our interests, our friends are parents of their friends, and it is hard to remember what our lives were even like without them. That is why when they do fly the coup, couples are often left behind floundering to find ways to connect again.
Communicate-he may have empty nest syndrome too
If you are feeling this way, there is a good chance that you husband is too. First step is to sit down and have the conversation to make sure you are both on the same page. Surprise him with a romantic dinner, either at your house or your favorite restaurant, or just go somewhere quiet where you have privacy to talk. Once you are alone together you can talk about how you are both feeling now that your children are leaving the home and share what you both want from the next phase of your marriage.
If it’s been some time since you’ve communicated at this level, it may feel a little awkward at first, but the hardest part is just starting the conversation. You owe it to each other to make each other your priority and I promise it will be fun in the process.
Commiserate with others who are experiencing empty nest syndrome
For me, becoming an empty nester was a very traumatic and lonely experience. Like most moms, I really enjoy spending time with my children, and realizing how fast time flew, and facing the fact we were now at this stage was a little overwhelming and sad.
During this period, I found what helped me the most was commiserating with other moms who were either living it currently or did so previously. It was very comforting to talk with others who could really relate to what I was experiencing, and sharing stories helped me realize that what I was feeling was very normal.
This is definitely a time you want to connect with others, and don’t forget to pay this one forward! There will be others after you who will experience Empty Nest Syndrome, so help them get through this season.
Start a new hobby or join a new club
When we have children, often times our priorities, goals, and favorite activities go by the wayside because we are more focused on our children’s activities. Now is the time you can start taking classes that you didn’t have time to take when your children were young, start a new hobby or revitalize and old one, or even join a club.
That is exactly why I started this blog. I wanted to do something that I’ve been putting off, excites me, and makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something.
Final thought is that if you are married and looking for a new hobby or activity, you could get bonus points if you find something you can do together with your husband. You decide what works best for you.
Volunteer
Once we become mothers, we are in a constant state of doing for others. Even when our children leave our homes, there are still a lot of things we continue to do for them, but often times it lessens through the years.
If you’re someone who really enjoys doing for others, then use this opportunity to volunteer and let others benefit from your generosity and kindness. I can’t think of a better way to get yourself in a happier mood.
You can either volunteer for your church, local pet shelter, sporting event, or potentially a young mother in your neighborhood who could use a break for an hour or two. The possibilities are endless!
If you invest a little time researching, you will find something a perfect match.
Have something to look forward to
Are you someone that needs something to look forward to? I’ve learned through the years that when I plan something in advance, regardless of how big or small it is, it makes it easier to enjoy the days leading up to it. You can plan a vacation, a weekend getaway, a night out with friends, or even your next visit to see your child.
The great part is that these do not need to be huge events or require a lot of pre-planning each time, in fact smaller outings along the way may keep things more exciting.
Exercise, eat healthy, get a good night’s sleep, or take a bubble bath
What do all these things have in common? They make you feel good! Although these are very simplistic in nature, they all can provide a big lift to your spirits.
I can’t even tell you how many mothers I’ve talked to that stopped exercising because they no longer had time to do it. If you’re the type of person who doesn’t see yourself getting into a new exercise routine, then start a bubble bath routine, or find new healthy recipes you can experiment with.
There are a lot of things you’ve probably neglected through the years, so now is your time to put yourself first and get healthy in the process.
Empty nest syndrome is real, so don’t be embarrassed to seek help
You know yourself better than anyone, and if you are unmotivated to even try the steps above then seek help. Depression can impact many aspects our lives, so don’t put off seeking treatment to help work through this stage of your life.
When our children leave the home, it is a life changing event, which causes many of us to feel a tremendous sense of sadness and emptiness. During this time, it is important to stay connected with your husband, siblings, friends, peers, others who can relate, or even a support group.
There is no more important job than being a mother, and those of us who’ve experienced being an empty nester know this season can be extremely difficult. Now being on the other side, although it’s been a huge adjustment, I’ve found that our relationship has become even stronger.
I am always interested in getting helping hints on this topic, so please comment below if you have anything to add.
Meet Courtney and Brittney
These are my two beautiful daughters, Courtney (L) and Brittney (R). Courtney just recently became a Physicians Assistant in Orthopedics, and Brittney just became a Gastrointestinal Fellow. Luckily for me, they both still live very close, but I still don't get to see them as much as I would like to.