I remember vividly the day I received a text from my sister indicating they had found a lump on her breast, and she needed to go for a biopsy. There were so many questions I wanted to ask her, but understandably she didn’t want to talk about it. I couldn’t help but feel a little sense of panic, but since I am an optimist at heart, it was too soon for me to reach any conclusion at that point. Even though I’ve known other breast cancer survivors, this was not something I was ready for.
Shortly after I took my sister to her biopsy appointment, and after she finished, she shared that it was quite painful, and her arm was quite achy. I was still trying to keep positive about the situation, but I have to admit my positivity was lessening since it didn’t seem to make sense why her arm would be so achy. It had also been quite a few years since she had her last mammogram, and that was worrisome as well.
Several days after, I was sitting at my desk working, when my sister sent a text with her biopsy results. She also sent them to her daughter and my two daughters, since she knew they would be able to decipher the results much better than we could.
I remember waiting for a few minutes to give them time to read her text, and then I called my oldest daughter for her to explain the results to me. At that point, I was still hopeful to hear her say, false alarm, but instead she said “mom, you need to be prepared, because it looks to me like Aunt Donna does have breast cancer, but breast cancer is so treatable these days, so we will get through this.”
My body went a little numb because I was not ready to admit that my sister had breast cancer, and I remember feeling so anxious. I wanted to know immediately everything I could about her diagnosis, the stage, the treatment, and all the other questions that kept popping into my head. But mostly, I wanted someone to reassure me she would be ok.
Of course, none of those answers were easily at my disposal, which only increased my anxiety. Although it was probably one of the hardest days of my life, I knew what I was feeling was nothing compared to how she was feeling. It’s hard during these moments to know what to say, or what to do because nothing you can say or do is going to change the situation. But we are fighters, and I knew my sister was going to do everything she could to kick the crap out of it.
After she was diagnosed with breast cancer, we were eager to meet with an Oncologist to get things moving and help us to understand what was going to be our plan to attack this. We met with two Oncologists, but based on the feedback we decided it would be best to see the Oncologist closest to home.
The Journey begins
Shortly after my sister’s care team was established and she was sent for several additional tests to identify the stage of the cancer, genetic testing, and other tests to ensure there were no significant health related issues that could impact her overall treatment.
Luckily for my sister she tested negative for the BRCA genetic testing, and her breast cancer was ER-positive, which means estrogen is fueling the growth of the cancer, and it’s one of the most common breast cancers. Now we just needed to find out what stage it was so that they can create her treatment plan and get moving on getting the cancer out!
Although we were hoping for stage 1, the Oncologist shared that my sister had stage 3 cancer. Because it had spread quite a bit, she was going to need chemo first to shrink the cancer, surgery to remove it, radiation to destroy any cancer remaining, and lastly hormone therapy to reduce the risk of it returning.
It was a little overwhelming to think about the journey ahead, and there was no doubt that this was going to be a long road for my sister. Although nothing can really prepare you for this battle, luckily my sister had a positive attitude and was determined to fight. She was ready to begin this journey and the first step was chemo.
Chemo is rough but you can get through it
My sister’s treatment plan included 20 weeks of chemo. She started her chemo on December 28th, and unfortunately it was a very long and rough experience. I remember shortly after she started getting her treatments she called to ask if I would take her to get her head shaved. Since her hair started coming out in clumps, someone suggested for her to get it shaved. Of course, I said yes, but I knew it was going to be emotional for both of us.
As soon as she got into my car, she started tearing up, and my heart sunk because I couldn’t even imagine how she felt. It’s difficult in these moments to know if you should say anything or just drive in silence, because there is nothing you can really say that will make the situation better. After a few minutes had passed, I finally said to her, “this gives you the control. You are making the decision to do this, and you are taking control of the situation. You got this!”
When we finally got to the hairdresser, I knew she was dreading getting out of the car and so was I. Once we got inside, we were greeted cheerfully by her hairdresser and my sister immediately started tearing up again. As much as she was trying to be strong, she knew this was going to be traumatic and yet another reminder of her circumstances.
Before I could even try and console her, I started to see one woman and another woman and then another coming out of the back room wearing hats. I was a little shocked, because nobody was supposed to be there since it was after normal hours, and then I realized that all these women were the wonderful teachers and administrators from her school there to support her during a time they knew she would need it most. Shout out to all those beautiful women of Notre Dame of Bethlehem, who have been and continue to be a fabulous support system for her.
After my sister completely lost her hair, a few weeks after her treatments started, she was trying out different wigs and wraps that she could wear to cover her head. Often times they became so uncomfortable that she just needed to take them off, although that was usually just in front of close friends and family.
One day we were going to Costco, it was a pretty warm day, and everything was just sticky and hot. Right before going into the store, she decided the heck with it, I am not wearing my wrap. I was so surprised to hear her say that, but so proud of her at the same time. She was literally in the fight of her life, and this was her badge of honor, so there was no reason for her, or any woman to be embarrassed about it. She was beautiful inside and out with or without hair, so I was thrilled to see her embracing her circumstances.
As much as my sister was trying to stay upbeat and charge forward chemo definitely took its toll on her body. Not only did she experience the more typical symptoms of nausea and exhaustion, but she also started to get neuropathy as well as neutropenia. Because of this, they needed to change the prescription of chemo she was receiving a couple of times, but all of them offered their fair share of side effects.
Although she was determined to go the full 20 weeks, her body was not having it. It’s hard to know at that moment if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. So many questions were running through my mind, is the chemo working, is the tumor shrinking, if she doesn’t go the full term could that have a negative impact? Because she had so many side effects, her oncologist made the decision to stop her chemo on April 25th.
Normally when you end your chemo treatments, you get to ring the bell as a celebration of finishing. Since her treatments ended unexpectantly, she did not get that opportunity. However, along the way there were so many students, teachers, and administrators that had been praying for her, so instead she celebrated the end of this journey ringing the bell with them as they chanted her name. Not a bad compromise if you ask me, especially seeing how excited they were to cheer her on.
Now that the chemo was finished, it was time to get an MRI to see if the chemo kicked the cancer’s butt! However, before I talk about that, I wanted to share some of the learnings she had while going through chemo in hopes it may help others.
Focus on healthy habits
There are a lot of things that aren’t in our control during this time, so we need to focus on those things that are. Whether it’s taking small walks, or eating an abundance of fruits and vegetables, fueling your body with healthy food and habits will help you to keep your strength and energy.
It’s not always the best thing to read your own test results
We made the mistake of reading my sister’s results a few times, and in a couple of instances it caused unnecessary stress. Everybody is different when it comes to this, and some people may want to know right away. If you do, just remember the doctors know what they are looking for, so don’t jump to any conclusions until you get the full rundown from them.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions
Even though there have been many others that have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer everyone’s experience will be different, so don’t be afraid to ask questions. It’s easy to start Googling to try and get your own answers, but you have an individual care team for a reason.
Lean on your Support System
People want to help during this time, so when they offer say, “YES”. Whether it’s attending doctor appointments, making dinner, or cleaning your house, when a friend asks to help don’t feel guilty and take their help. Remember you would do the exact same thing for them if they were in your shoes, so lean on that support system.
Chemo Care Package
Right before my sister started chemo, my daughter got her a care package. Here is what she included which was most helpful: A bag to take to chemo, a water bottle, a throw blanket to bring to chemo, fuzzy socks, lotion, sunscreen, lip balm, eye drops, chocolate, MiraLAX, and saving the best for last, Aquaphor. My sister used Aquaphor every step of the way, and she joked that it was her version of Windex, My Big Fat Greek Wedding reference, and it was her cure all.
Buddy System
Unfortunately, you are not alone in this battle, and there are many other women who are on the same journey. If it’s possible, try and meet someone who is going through the same experience. Right after my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, she was introduced to a woman who had a similar diagnosis, so they were able to share stories, commiserate, and give each other helpful hints along the way. There are also support groups that are available, which can be helpful to hear from other women sharing the same experience.
My sister Donna and her daughter Jenna at chemo sessions. One was taken before her hair fell out and the other after.
This is the picture of my sister, and all of the wonderful women who came to support her as she was getting her head shaved.
Chemo wasn’t easy, but having friends and family there to support definitely does make it more tolerable.
Time to confirm if the chemo worked
Now that chemo was finished, my sister needed to get her MRI scan to see how much the cancer had shrunk. Since she did not receive all the treatments she was scheduled for, we were not sure how that was going to impact her results. Once she was scanned, the next step was to meet with her Surgeon to get the results. Although we were hopeful, we were also very anxious to hear the results.
My sister received her results by email; however, she decided not to open them and wait to hear directly from her surgeon. I drove her to the appointment, and her daughter and mine were on the phone so they would be able to ask questions directly if needed. Shortly after the surgeon came into the room, she shared that it seemed like chemo really did a number on her cancer and it had shrunk it quite a bit. That was exactly what we wanted to here, and we both were so relieved. Chemo was rough, but it seemed more worth it knowing it had paid off.
Now it was time to schedule her surgery! We walked down the hall to meet with the scheduler, and she shared that my sister’s surgery was scheduled for May 25th. I was like, “hold on, today is May 17th, so do you mean next week? Since her surgeon was going on maternity leave, she wanted to get my sister in prior. These people are saints!!
We were actually glad it got scheduled so quickly, because my sister’s daughter, Jenna, was getting married in October, and we were planning her shower for July. This would give my sister plenty of time to heal so she could actually enjoy herself at her daughter’s shower. The plan was to do a mastectomy on her right breast, remove the lymph nodes that were impacted, and then put an expander in on that same side. An expander is a temporary implant that is used to keep the skin stretched until your body heals enough to get the regular implant.
Luckily, my sister’s surgery went extremely well, however they did find something in the left breast that was unexpected. After they did the biopsy on what they found in her left breast, they realized cancer had reared its ugly head there too. Luckily the cancer was very small, it wasn’t even picked up on her MRI, which means they found it early and removed it before it became problematic. This is why it is SO important to screen regularly!
As much as it was a somber year, we did have a small break of time that was filled with reason to celebrate. My sister was able to enjoy her daughter’s bridal shower in July, and her hair grew back beautifully for her wedding in October. Although we had another health crisis with my brother in October, we were so thankful that the timing worked out the way that it did for my sister, and she was able to really enjoy this very special occasion. But after the wedding, it was now time for the second to last step, radiation.
Close to the finish line
Her radiation started on November 27th, the Monday after Thanksgiving. She was scheduled to receive radiation for 5 days a week, every week finishing sometime in January. This has really been a long journey, since it was a little over a year since she was diagnosed.
Although she didn’t have all the symptoms she did with chemo, her arm was still quite sore from the surgery, and it was also still very swollen. Because of that, it was quite difficult to keep her arm raised in the position required to receive the radiation.
Luckily, the staff working with her were extremely understanding and sympathetic, and they did everything to keep her as comfortable as possible, and would literally run back into the room, to allow her to lower her arm as soon as possible. Although my sister had days where she was extremely tired, her experience with the radiation was less of a chore than what chemo was.
Donna received her last radiation treatment on January 12th, and we celebrated as a family the following Saturday. Fortunately, my sister kept a positive attitude, sense of humor, and was determined to do what she needed to do to kick cancer’s butt.
There were definitely periods of this journey that were harder than others, and chemo for sure took its toll on her. As much as it was difficult for me to watch my sister go through this, I can’t even imagine how she felt living through it day after day. I am so proud of her for being so courageous every step of the way, keeping her sense of humor, and fighting such a rigorous battle. She was absolutely a role model for all of us!
There are many lessons that can be learned when we have these experiences in life. In fact, I could probably write a post specifically on this topic.
But here are the three that stood out most to me.
- First, you are important, so stop putting everyone else in front of your needs. Make sure you are scheduling all the recommended tests and check-ups that are suggested for anyone over 50. Ladies, get your Mammograms! Early detection is key! (I will be writing a post on this topic soon)
- Secondly, give yourself time to relax, destress, and let your body heal. Also, start incorporating habits for a healthy lifestyle now. It’s time to get your body in the best state it’s ever been. You can read some suggestions about this here.
- Lastly, life is too short, so stop putting off things for tomorrow and start doing them now. We only have one life to live, so let’s make the rest of our years be our best years!
This is a picture of our family celebrating my sister’s radiation treatments coming to an end. My daughter, Brittney, made us all shirts to wear for the occasion. It is hard to read them, but they say-My Aunt is resilient, my Mom is Powerful, I am a survivor, my Sister is Courageous, and my Aunt is Unstoppable.
Our plan is to walk the Breast Cancer 5K together in October wearing our shirts proudly!
Jen, I have known you since I was 4 years old! We met in kindergarten and have been friends ever since! Having you as a best friend meant I also had your big sister as a best friend too. Your and Donna’s bond is beautiful! I am so lucky to have the Riedy girls in my life! Thank you for sharing Donna’s journey, while I knew some of it, did not realize everything she has been through! Having been through my own cancer journey, everything you said is so true about support-when a family member is diagnosed with cancer, the whole family is really diagnosed! Thanks again For sharing Jen-your strength and support is everything!!
Thanks for commenting, Roseanne! Your friendship has meant so much to both of us through the years. I am so glad you are in our lives!!!
Great job Jennifer!! It has been a very long road for Donna but as you documented so well she handled it with courage and grace every step of the way. Cheers to Kicking Cancer’s A$$!
Thanks Karen! You know first-hand it was a long journey. Thanks for being such a wonderful supporter!
God Bless you all. Donna is a superstar. You shouldn’t forget she ran her school through all of this! We love you Donna!
Thank you! You are right, I didn’t mention that, but not many people would’ve been able to do both!
I feel very close to this story – I’m sure many of us can relate to someone we know, directly or indirectly, that have need to bravely fight against cancer. My parents came from out of state for my son’s high school graduation, and while they were here, we got a call from my aunt (on my mom’s side) to tell us she had breast cancer. Hormonally driven, like Jen’s sister, and she learned the news by way of reading her results online. What a way to figure out you have cancer, not that there is a good way. My one additional contribution to this story is to say, be your own advocate. My aunt did get an annual mammogram, and the radiologist saw a small “something” that they wanted to monitor and check again in 6 months. My aunt wasn’t going to have that – she insisted on a biopsy, and that biopsy provided evidence of cancer. Thank goodness she didn’t settle. I am one of those people who open my own results online, and my heart sinks somewhere into my stomach EVERY SINGLE TIME. I don’t know if/when I will change that behavior, but it’s something for me to consider. Kudos to the strong, courageous women & men that kick cancer in the butt!
Thanks for commenting, Kim! I couldn’t agree more. We all need to make sure we are advocating for ourselves. More to come on that!
So beautiful, Aunt Jenny! Love you so much! You’re a fantastic writer and really captured the whole journey start to finish!
Thank you! You were there with her through every step! You are a very strong young lady!
Donna is my hero, she stayed positive even through the rough and challenging days. I knew she would win this battle so grateful for you and the girls that were her support system. I hope this story will inspire others to not give up it’s a hell of a battle to fight!! Cancer sucks 🌻
You are a true friend and your kindness and support to my sister through this journey is greatly appreciated!
Jennifer thank you for sharing all Donna went thru and that you were all by her side. I just love you girls and your personalities ❤️ Praise the Lord for His Goodness 👋. Donna I’m so proud of the strength you have and had. You Are A Cancer Survivor.
Praise the Lord is right! Thank you for the kind words! We feel the same about you!
Jen, Wow you are amazing! The best caring supportive sister. I’m so happy that Donna has fought the fight with you by her side as well as the rest of her family and friends. I love you both and I’m so lucky to have you as part of my family. Thank you so much for your loving support during my moms battle.💕
Thank you, Diane! We feel blessed that you are part of our family too!
Thank you Jen for writing this journey and sharing it with us. I love that Donna was never without her supportive and loving family and friends. I think Donna is a “Rock Star” for going thru this with such an amazing attitude. Your an awesome sister too!!❤️❤️
Thank you, Diane!
An amazing read about an amazing woman! Mrs.Hopper – you have touched the lives of sooo many, students and parents the same. You are such a wonderful example of a strong and courageous woman! Prayers for your continued strength and healing ❤️🩹
Rachel Ramirez and Raegan Miltenberger
Jen, great blog! I remember our conversation in Wawa a few weeks ago. Mrs. Hopper [Donna] is a great person, and even better teacher. My two sons were lucky to have her.
We were fortunate to work together at D&B. It’s amazing how lives intertwine.
Your observations are on point. A support system is so important as is a positive attitude.
Donna, hang tough and Jen thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Jay! It is amazing how lives intertwine! My sister always loved your family, and after working with you I realized why! Thank you for the support!